Father’s Day

I’m sitting on my front porch this morning before work drinking coffee out of my dad’s Nascar mug with a fresh bowl packed thinking of him. We would do this all the time when he was still around. I remember as a kid I discovered my dad smoked pot and it made me feel weird because I was still a kid and didn’t understand. Now as an adult I miss those times. 

My dad became my friend when I was an adult. I started to see past the exterior and into his heart. He did the best he could with what he had learned throughout his life. He was a man of few words and a big heart. He was hard working and loved his family and did everything he could for us. He loves his Mustang and his garage and all the tools he had collected and been gifted throughout the years. He loves being at home with my mom and the dogs and the cat. He was a simple man. 

This will be the first Father’s Day without him. I’ll also be meeting my future husband’s father this weekend and I’m having trouble wrapping my head around it. I’m optimistic but anxious. I have to calm the part of me that wants to control and make everything perfect. I wanted to be the perfect daughter. I wanted to make my parents, especially my dad, proud. Now I feel like I’m faced with a new challenge that I shouldn’t focus too much on. My plan is to always be myself and to speak my truth when I find appropriate. 

Last night I sat on my front porch and thought of all the things I won’t get to do with my dad. I won’t get to walk down the aisle with him to marry the man of my dreams. I won’t get to show him his future grandchildren. I won’t get to ride in his truck with him down to the gas station for a coke and a candy bar. I won’t get to wave goodbye to him as I leave in my honda down the road. 

As I thought of these things my lover proposed a different way of thinking about it. He told me I could flip the script and make these days a day of remembrance. Instead of just missing him, I could celebrate his life and remember the moments where I saw him happy. I got a memory notification on facebook today and it was Father’s Day three years ago. I remember that day so well. My dad is such a homebody and when I asked if he would go to The North Market with me to get some donuts and chinese food, he said maybe another time. Which was something I often heard in my childhood from my parents. Now as an adult I’m also a homebody and like to enjoy quiet time on my front porch. I’ve officially become my father. 

I miss my dad so much, but I’m choosing also to remember him and the legacy he left behind. There are so many amazing memories I’ll cherish and never forget. I will share them with my children and tell them about how awesome their grandfather was. I hope to hold the same values that my father held when he was on this earth. I’m so grateful that I got to know my dad and experience the man that he was. 

I hope if you’re celebrating a loved one’s life that you know how precious and sacred your bond will always be. You will always be connected to the ones who have passed away and one day you will meet them again. I hope you find peace and comfort in the memories you have with them. 

Take care, 

Maggie xo

By itsmaggie92

Hi I'm Maggie and I'm a 28 year old cat lady that loves writing and anything fun and adventurous.

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