Lover

“I’m gonna marry you.” he said to me in our kitchen as he crunched on the mexican corn I made for dinner along with steak and asparagus. 

When my lover says these things to me, it’s still hard for me to accept that I deserve his love. I’m constantly criticising myself and it doesn’t do me any good. It only breeds more self doubt and mistrust in myself. AJ has taught me that I am worthy of love and I am powerful. 

When I first met him, it was a tinder date and my mission was to get in his bed. I wasn’t looking for anything more than a good time. What I didn’t realize was how quickly and easy it would be to fall in love with him. 

We were supposed to meet at a park near my home where I lived with my roommate but we encountered a road bump in our plans. AJ’s bike had broken down on the side of the road in downtown Columbus on one of the hottest days of the summer. It took a while to find him amid the craziness of rush hour, but I spotted his turquoise motorcycle he named Betty after the pin up model. He has a picture of her in his woodshop. 

I rolled up in my red Ford Fiesta and parked and walked the distance to meet my future husband. I found him leaning against the sidewalk with his arms crossed, his beard shaggy and he was wearing shorts and a shirt. 

“I like your bike!” was the first thing I said to him. 

It wasn’t until almost a year later my lover told me at that moment he thought it was the best thing he had ever heard. 

When I approached him I immediately noticed his go tattoo on his arm and told him I liked it. I could tell then I was in a world of trouble. 

Once the tow truck driver arrived and escorted us to AJ’s house to drop off the bike, we improvised and ended up going to the dollar store to pick up a kiddie pool and a twelve pack of miller lite. We decided that this day was perfect for soaking our feet and sipping a cold beverage while getting to know each other. 

He told me about the many states he lived in and the life coaching program he went through called Next Level. He said it transformed his life, but the only thing I was focused on were his pretty eyes and wanting to run my fingers through his beard. 

As the sun set and our pack of beer got emptier, we enjoyed each other’s company and made cheeseburgers on the gill with avocado and blue cheese. One bite in and I knew I loved this man. I had never had anyone cook me dinner before and show me such hospitality. I felt so comfortable with him and felt myself never wanting to leave his side. 

And I didn’t. 

On my left ring finger is an epoxy ring that my lover made for me. He put purple and blue sparkles in it so when the sun shines it illuminates its colors. I wonder what my lover envisioned when he went to make my promise ring. I wonder if he thought about the time he played guitar for me for the first time, or the first time I met his mother in Cleveland. I wonder if my lover thought about the dark time I went through when things were bad and 2020 was piling things on top of us that we thought would end us. 

My lover has the prettiest brown eyes. They sparkle in the sunlight and when I look into them I see so much love. AJ has taught me that I’m the only one in charge of my happiness. He’s challenged me to become a better Maggie and push myself to accomplish my goals and chase my dreams because he holds himself to the same standards. 

This ring is not only a promise to him but also a promise for me. A promise to take care of myself and hold myself accountable. It’s a promise to love myself as much as I love him. It’s a promise that I plan to keep for the rest of my life. 

I’m confident when I say I love you because I know I deserve this man and all his love. I believe I am worthy and powerful beyond anything I can imagine. 

“I’m gonna marry you.” I say as my lover takes me in his arms. 

It still feels funny to say that like I don’t believe it’s true, but believing is a journey in itself. I love when he pulls me away after a hug and looks into my eyes like he has so much to say but not the words to match with them. I feel the same way. When I look at him I feel twitterpated and overwhelmed in the best way. I’m bursting with love for this man and the only thing I can manage to do is hold him tighter and tell him everyday how much I love him. 

I hope you feel this kind of love inside yourself. I hope you also find it in another, but until then, look within yourself to find the love you deserve. I believe in you. 

Take care, 

Maggie xo

By itsmaggie92

Hi I'm Maggie and I'm a 28 year old cat lady that loves writing and anything fun and adventurous.

2 comments

  1. What a beautiful testament to your love for each other, and I believe the best post you’ve written. In your words I could sense the depth of your feeling. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece of your journey..

    p.s. I’m a friggin’ aromantic, so you know if I like this mush its got to be good. I hope this finds you both well and full of joy… sending hugs, love, and only the bestest good vibes in a northerly direction..

    Like

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