It’s amazing the memories you come across while unpacking.
I realized as I was unpacking and organizing my bookshelf that I have accumulated years of memories and accomplishments. My bookshelf was a gift from my parents a few Christmases ago. It’s full of old college text books full of revolutionary female writers who paved the way so that I can have this blog where I talk to strangers and share my deepest desires and fears. The bookshelf holds history within its confines.
I remember in my women’s writing history class I sobbed when I read Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own. She said a woman should have her own space to create. This came at a time when women didn’t even have the right to vote. I remember feeling devastated to know she drowned herself in the river. I feel like we could have been friends if I was born in that time period. I longed to ask her questions about stream of conscious, the style of writing she was famous for. I would get lost in her writing as a teenager.
At the top of my bookshelf are my degrees from Columbus State where I got my associates and The Ohio State University where I got my bachelors. I feel so accomplished, but my favorite thing about it is the congratulations card in between them from my parents.
My father passed away from colon cancer last December and when I look at this card I remember him being so happy the day he gave it to me along with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I remember my bright red hair and the picture we took in the hallway. I was so happy that day to be around the people I love celebrating this pivotal moment in my life. I miss my dad immensely. I wish I could call him right now.
The next shelf down has my Dwight Schrute and Rick Sanchez Pop Animation dolls that my friend gave me when I was going through a touch time. It also has my bisexual pride flag I got from Starbucks a few years ago. It’s taken me a long time to feel confident in my sexuality but I’m happy where I am today and I hope you are too. I remember feeling so out of place because I felt like I had to pick a gender to be attracted to, but I quickly learned that sexuality is fluid and different for everyone. The important thing I took away from that experience is to be your true authentic self and everything else will fall into place.
The next shelf down has my silver mermaid statue holding a clam shell above her head and smiling. Mermaids have always been enticing and magical to me. If I didn’t have legs, I would have a mermaid tail and explore the sea. Mermaids don’t worry about tomorrow. They take what they want and keep swimming.
On the bottom shelves you’ll find all the books I’ve read over the years. Some are textbooks with scribbles and notes inside and some are personal with the pages dog eared and worn from nights of reading alone.
You’ll find old journals I’ve written my deepest, darkest thoughts in. There are tear stains and secrets hidden on their pages. One day I will open them up and read them and see how far I’ve come. This bookshelf will always be sacred. It will be something I cherish always.
I hope you have a sacred space where you’re safe to bare your soul. I hope that when you’re there you feel the most yourself. I hope you feel loved. I hope you feel whole.