Our Playlist

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel 
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather 
In a beautiful world 
I wish I was special 
You're so fuckin' special 
But I'm a creep 
I'm a weirdo 
What the hell am I doin' here? 
I don't belong here 

This was the first song you played for me on your guitar. We were outside on the back porch with your skin soaked in moonlight and I remember how enchanted I felt by your voice and your vulnerability. I felt so in love in that moment. You sang with your soul that night and witnessing you pour your heart out to me was a moment I’ll never stop being grateful for.

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
So fuckin' special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I remember I played this song a lot when we took time apart. I would pace my back porch while I chain smoked Camal Crush Menthol Silvers. I was immeasurably heartbroken and lonely. I missed you like crazy and I always wondered if you felt the same way. If you thought about me when I wasn’t around. I wondered if you felt as lonely as I did.

I wanna hold the hand inside you
I wanna take the breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life, you go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew

We listened to this song a lot when we had bonfires and cooked on the grill. It was the beginning of winter and we were in for the tundra of our lives. This song has a hauntingly beautiful tone and from my own experience I believe it’s about a two people struggling to see each other for their authentic selves. They want to fade into each other and forget everything around them. That’s where I was. I think it’s strange I never knew how deep into the darkness I was.

I’ll never forget that Sunday I was cleaning out my apartment, preparing to move, and you walked into the living room looking like you hadn’t slept in days. Before you left you wrapped your arms around me and held me for what seemed like the most painful few minutes of my life. I sobbed and told you how hurt and angry I was while this song played softly in the background. I wanted to fade into you in that moment. I wanted you to swallow me up and give me life because at that moment I was formless and empty. But this wasn’t the end for us. I refused to believe I would never feel your love again.

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault 

This was the first song I shared with you and we both agreed that Alanis Morrissette’s music is timeless and a guilty pleasure without the guilt. This is the kind of music you would play for me on a Friday night jamming with your friends in the backyard.

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long?
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

I have to say thank you for everything. Not just the good, but also the bad because you stayed with me even when you had to step away for your own sake. You truly are the bearer of unconditional love and kindness. You are so pure and good. You’re my best friend and I’m so grateful I’m here and I’m aware now. I feel alive and whole now. I know that I’m worthy and I deserve your love.

In the car, in the car, in the backseat, I'm your baby
We go fast, we go so fast, we don't move
I believe in a place you take me
Make you real proud of your baby
In your car, I'm a star and I'm burnin' through you
In your car, I'm a star and I'm burnin' through you
Oh, be my once in a lifetime
Lying on your chest, in my party dress
I'm a fucking mess but I
Oh, thanks for the high life
Baby, it's the best, that's a test
And yes, now I'm here with you and I
Would like to think that you would stick around
You know that I'd just die to make you proud
The taste, the touch, the way we love
It all comes down to make the sound of our love song

This song gets me every time to the point where sometimes I have to skip it when it comes on. When we listened to this song together in your kitchen in your old house I felt so loved and connected to you. I believed you were my once in a lifetime and I thought of all the things that made up our love song. The sound of your Harley firing up, your laugh, your dark, enchanting eyes that swoon me every time I look into them.

Dream a dream, here's a scene
Touch me anywhere 'cause I'm your baby
Grab my waist, don't waste any part
I believe that you see me for who I am
So spill my clothes on the floor of your new car
Is it safe, is it safe to just be who we are?
Is it safe, is it safe to just be who we are?

For awhile we weren’t able to truly be who we were and that was both our faults. I believe it made us stronger people together and individually when we took time apart. As painful as it was, I understand how necessary it was for us. You still touch me anywhere because I’m your baby and now it’s safe to just be who we are.

Damn papa, you a rare breed, no comparing
And it's motherfuckin' scary
Tryna keep him 'cause I found him
Let a hoe know I ain't motherfuckin' sharing
I could take you to the parents, then to Paris
Plan a motherfuckin' wedding
You the type I wanna marry (yeah) and keep you merry
I'll put the ring on when you ready
We play our fantasies out in real life ways and
No Final Fantasy, can we end these games though?
You give me energy, make me feel lightweight
Like the birds of a feather, baby
We real life made for each other
And it's hard to keep my cool
When other bitches tryna get with my dude and
When other chickens tryna get in my coop
'Cause you're a one in a million
There ain't no man like you

There isn’t a man on this planet or universe like you. I’m so lucky you chose me to be your forever girl. I believe we are real life made for each other and I’ll work everyday to prove that to you. To be it is scary because this feels so real and I don’t want to lose it. I would never find another man like you. This ring on my finger is a promise that I intend to keep forever.

You would use your songs to say the words you couldn't say
And every word you said was about you and me
I loved, everything you wrote and when you would sing
I felt that my heart was falling
You're all that I want
We fuck so hard, it left me faded
For all you are
There is no other love, it's only yours
You're all that I want, all the love

My favorite thing is when you pull your guitar out and sing to me. In those moments I feel like it’s just me and you in the world. I remember when this song came on we were making love and I remember staring down at you handsome face and those eyes that make me speak my truth and thinking how lucky I was to be right where I was. You’re all I want and I want to give you all my love for as long as we both shall live.