Fresh

I’ve been longing for a fresh start. To live in a place where not a single soul knows my name or any of my past mistakes.

I crave change for the first time in a long time.

I’m tired of sabotaging myself of my well deserved happiness and peace. I am worthy of a new beginning. For the first time in my life I believe I deserve good things. I deserve to be loved and to take up space in the world.

I had a moment this morning when I thought if my late father and I wished that he were here. Then I remembered, in my pocket, I have our rose quartz I shared with him.

I chose to give him a rose quartz because the bond I shared with my dad was magical and so extraordinary. Unfortunately I didn’t realize this until he was gone. He was a simple kind of guy. He loved his wife and family. He longed to provide for us and so the best he could to give us the great life we had. I have to accept that this new beginning won’t have him in it, but I will feel his presence always. That is why I carry this stone in my left pocket.

This new beginning will be something I get to create for myself and as much as I want my dad to be here he isn’t. I wish to live my life to the fullest and live in a way my dad would be proud of. I know deep down all my dad wanted was to see me happy and I chose to be just that.

In this moment I find peace. In this moment I’m discovering myself. In this moment I’m fully aware of what’s at stake.

It feels so freeing to believe I deserve good things.

On the day of his funeral I took a quartz stone and snuck it in my dad’s pocket and I swear I felt him there with me. Whenever I do feel him I feel a sense of peace wash over me. I know my dad will be with me no matter where I go. If I listen closely I can hear him calling me “sissy”, something he always called me that felt special and possessive in a paternal way.

I hope wherever you are you feel like you belong. I hope you feel peace. I hope you feel worthy of all life’s beautiful moments. Just remember you can always be you and you always have yourself.

Take care,

Maggie xo

By itsmaggie92

Hi I'm Maggie and I'm a 28 year old cat lady that loves writing and anything fun and adventurous.

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