I think I was at work when I came across this quote. It said:
Not for a person,
but for your passion,
Needless to say but it’s my phone background now and I look at it everyday.
For a long time I put others first before my needs. I neglected myself and my own wellbeing. When this happens you only hurt yourself because when you put yourself last you don’t grow.
I was a withered flower dying for water and love. I wasn’t taking care of myself and I hit a wall I couldn’t leap over. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get over what was in front of me.
I took tiny steps daily to get back to what I was before and I’m still working towards that. I’m not where I want to be right now, but I’m not where I was and for that I am grateful.
To put yourself first means to do the “heart work”. To look deep within yourself at all the ugly and all the things you don’t like and say to yourself “I accept you and love you right where you are and we will get through this together”. It’s about digging through the rubble and finding the things you do like about yourself. It’s about taking the time to do something nice or beneficial for yourself. Like taking a shower after work to relax, or taking a breath before responding to a text message that might have made you feel triggered. It’s small steps everyday that make up big changes and I want you to know that I see you and I know you’re trying your best.
My therapist gave me an assignment to do everyday before our next meeting. He told me to sit in front of a mirror and tell myself “You’re the only person you have to make happy”. Then he instructed me to give myself a compliment after. It’s become a fun activity I do in the morning before I go to work. I encourage you to do the same because it shifts the way you think about yourself.
I’m putting myself first and speaking this mantra each morning helps me get in the mindset of doing things for my own happiness. I’ve realized I started making decisions for myself for my own pleasure once I started doing this. I went to get my nails done and have a lunch date with myself on my day off work. I started writing this blog. I did things I enjoyed more frequently without guilt that I wasn’t pleasing someone else.
Self love is putting yourself first and making decisions that directly or indirectly effect your wellbeing.
So please keep looking. Not for a person, but for your love, your passion, your courage, and most importantly, yourself. You will find all the joy in the world within your beautiful self.