Making this blog was scary for me because I never believed I would finally start one. I was afraid I wasn’t good enough to write on the internet, even if only I was the one reading what I wrote.
Fear should stand for: Face Everything And Rise
That’s what I’ve been trying to do at least.
What is something you’ve done recently that make you afraid? How did you conquer that fear?
Last night, as I lied on the couch in my anxiety, I watched a YouTube video about letting go of the past. The video was about twenty minutes long. I listened to the narrator’s voice but in my mind all I could think about were the chains that held me prisoner to my past. Mostly I thought about what freedom would feel like. Would I always have this stifling anxiety looming over me?
The narrator said the past isn’t real. The past no longer exists. I felt some relief hearing this, but still my fear of the future ebbed and flowed in my mind. Then the narrator started talking about the future.
He said that the future doesn’t exist either. I felt strange hear this but I understood what he was trying to say.
I’ve spent so long in the past and it’s only repeated itself and made me miserable. It was time to let go. When you worry about things, you rob yourself of the present moment and all the beautiful things right in front of you.
I couldn’t see my lover in front of me in pain trying to get me to wake up from my delirious irrational thoughts. All I could think about was how I didn’t belong and his love for me wasn’t good enough.
I have to find that love within myself to be free.
I’m not trying to write this like I have it all figured out because I sure as shit don’t and it’s going to be a journey. What I do know is that I have to make a conscious choice to redirect my emotions and thoughts to a place of goodness and grace.
I hope you can do the same for yourself wherever you are in your self love journey.